Idukki…

She struck me dumb with the might of her beauty…

She was beautiful in a way that invoked fear in me..

The heights and the depths kindled fear in me..

Sunlight peeped through her canopy, as if shedding pearls of wisdom on my dumb mind..

The innumerable shades of green kept me engrossed and addicted…

How could one be so beautiful, so enchanting…

The depths of her waters reflected the outward calm..

Mutinous undercurrents so beautifully masked…

Anointing past hurts and urging me to barge forth…

The silent echoes in her caves and the gurgles of her streams…

Told many a secret in slow, yet steady whispers..

Her leaves rustled in the cool breeze leaving me clutching hard at my garb..

Her eloquence and charm laughed at human egos and shunned them..

How teeny weeny I was, in this wide, wide world ?..

How insignificant were our worries before her profound calm ?..

Though today a mere spectator, someday I wish…

That I shall explore her unarmed, fearless..

That I shall swim into her depths, amongst her family…

From timidity, fear, guilt and shame, I shall break through some day..

And bow before the magnificence, that is Idukki..

The Idukki I know is a beauty par excellence, mighty, joyful, fearful, gentle all at once…

Farewell, O! great one, till we meet next time, renewed in spirit…

You are right…my friend..

I once fought to prove my wrongs were rights, my friend..

But now as I look back, I realise you were right my friend..

You were right, always right in proving me wrong..

I was clumsy to have dropped the plates and spilt water..

I was lazy to have slept, in the most ‘interesting’ classes..

I was always late, rushing out of breath, to all ‘important’ meetings..

I was foolish to have blurted out blunders in spite of myself..

I was never well dressed, as your scale of standards..

I couldn’t hide my foolish smile, even during ‘serious’ discussions..

I don’t look as ‘sophisticated’ as you require me to..

I lack taste as I can’t understand your love of loud music…

I adore you, the impeccable judge, that you are…

But, here iam, ready to break free of ‘rights’ and indulge in my wrongs…

As I belong to the land where my wrongs are right my friend…

As in the land of my dreams, I’m perfect as I am..

Hence I wish to be myself, lest I may be lost, lost forever…

Unlearning…

As years pass, here I stand, my cup empty and thirsty…

I poured away all that didn’t appeal to my soul…

I learn it is easy and normal to love seamlessly..

It’s ok to shout when you are met with injustice.

It’s ok to laugh out loud when your soul is tickled,

Being a child and reliving childhood fantasies is perfectly normal..

There is no need to pump up your chest, exhale with all might…

Dark circles and flab are perfectly normal..

Sexuality is as normal a need as air and water..

No longer is it needed to smile when ur soul cries..

Feeling and expressing emotions are and were always normal…

No one tells you not to follow ur heart, ur inner voice, but you…

Children are masters of spirituality, follow them no doubt..

How you look, speak and think are purely your decision…

Your ultimate lover unto the end is you and you alone..

And I’m grateful for the wonderful gift that I am in the making..

Gathering the pearls, I move forward, looking to gather more…

Rebirth..

I raised my head, a lotus bud, pride in my stride..

I left behind the teeming marsh and all the sulking souls..

The rain God would bless me with an occasional shower..

But I would be careful to be detached..

The drops would roll as pearls and if any dared to cling on..

I would sway in the breeze, so they fall off them’ drops from my lustrous soul..

I looked down upon at lilies and my besties, for in success I must be alone..

I frowned at the warm sun who tried to make me blush..

Thus went the days one by one till the fateful one…came by.

Ominous clouds and rumble of thunder sparked a fear in me..

I, who was to blossom in few days felt a shiver down my spine..

Alas! my days of glory and splendor seemed afar all of a sudden..

And then did the rain pour in all its fury…

Uprooted lilies and my besties floated lifeless at my side..

My pride swooned to the abyss never to rise again..

And with one deft stroke of stormy hands I was pulled from my roots..

I tearfully looked at the marsh, my family for so long..

As I float in aimless currents, I realise the virtues long lost..

And the miracle did happen, my fate re written..

Thus in my new niche, I blossom now cheering all my peers..

For strength lies in humility and ‘iam because we are’..

A tryst with love..

I glided in the canoe, in the midst of still waters..

Far afar from the madding crowd..

Oblivious to the numerous demands of time and people..

I travelled aeons to the fields where the heather was in full bloom..

Tulips and daffodils smiled at me in innocent mirth..

The sun warmed my cold and moist cheeks and rid the chill..

Love wrapped me in its folds, gentle, caressing and warm..

Non judgmental, and embracing me in full with all my idiosyncrasies and idiocity..

The freckles, hump and squint, all so valuable now, prized possessions..

I’m so far from embattled minds that sucked my spirit…

And enthralled in the ecstasy of the moment…

I wish it would all last and dissolve me into the essence of it all..

Never do I wish to vacillate between the tentacles of moodswings…

But I guess, the pain is what makes love endearing and priceless…

So here I go again..Sayonara…

If I were a patient…

I would wish for a doctor with a lot of empathy…

I wish that I could ask the silliest of doubts, without fear..

I would wish to hear good news every day about my slight and steady recovery..

The dirt and grime on the walls and sundry, dampen my spirits..

With all patience, I wish they were clean and sparkled clean..

I wish the medical fraternity would look into my eyes beyond goggles and faceshield..

And address my soul within, in ways that need no words..

When in pain as I moan and groan, look at me not in apathy..

I know how you sweat beneath the garb of white…

Yet i implore you to shed an ounce of mercy at my hapless soul..

Open the windows so that the sun kisses my cheeks..warm..

I wish to hear the chirping birds and music that can heal…

Let my loved ones be by side for they know what I pine..

I respect you and I’m proud of you, my saviour..

But I wish that u see my tears and how I wish to fly away.. healthy and free

The cool warmth…

Some souls are like the rain, the gentle drizzle..

The drops moisten your window panes and yearn to spread their chill..

The burning embers within me, make them fizzle or perish..

I look away to embrace the vanishing wisp of warm air..

But glance back as I did, I was held in the trance…

The eyes held me in a bond as ecstasy unfolded..

I imbibed the cool touch and slowly the warmth and cold entwined..

I realise co existence is a reality and enchanting to senses..

There’s much that eyes can never comprehend…

The vibrations that sync into unheard melodies holding me in raptures..

So cool was never bad after all,rather it was liberating…

Here I stand soul bared, ready to embrace the cool within…

The warmth of life..

Tears trickled down my eyes and sweat from my brow..

Never was breathing so laborious..

Shallow breather that I was, catching a breath seemed so precious..

The mask thrust on my face, infused life air into tired lungs..

I looked bleary eyed, at my comrades in distress..

Little could I do to help, either me or them,

White dementors nay angels, roamed the place trying to take or give spirit..

I remembered how once I too had been in the cast, aloof albeit helpless..

Happy memories of the yore floated before my eyes..

Strains of haunting music caught my ears..

Just as I sank blissfully into the bottomless abyss, light as a feather..

I felt a grasp, a warm blooded one and a gasp, a wisp of warm breath..

I looked aghast nay amazed at the deep set eyes, kind yet firm..

Firm in the resolve to yank me back, into the world of reality..

It’s not yet time, the voice did chime, and lingered on in my heart..

And slowly and surely the amasked and agloved angel, prodded me back to life…

Life that was full, teeming with colour and buzzing with gay spirit..

Indulge…

What if I didn’t spell the love from my heart…

The intrigued lock eyes would have continued ceaseless…

If I didn’t let myself be embraced in the warm hugs…

My heart would have continued thumping wild without peace…

If I didn’t let my hands be held and felt safe…

The flush would have continued to wax and wane in hope…

If I didn’t let my hair be stroked softly and tenderly..

The heavenly feel would have remained entrapped in poetry…

If I refrained from getting drenched in the downpour…

The pleasure of water on raw skin would be just a fantasy…

If I covered myself head to toe from the warm sun…

The surge of warmth and the cool breeze would be anonymous to me…

If I didn’t allow myself to cry and laugh as it came…

The soul would long for a reprieve resulting in many rebirths…

If I didn’t indulge, in everything as it came, raw and sweet…

The pleasures would remain hidden treasures unto my last breath…

So indulge, from within and in all vigour, never hold back….

As shyness and guilt are just marring the beautiful self within…

The gift of today…

The little eyes looked on at the tadpoles in play ….

The fish in a riot of colours gave away to giggles in gay..

Rounded pebbles and crystal waters cleared the fear in her…

Life is so simple, flow in the present, the past is gone forever.

Though the diagnosis spelt doom, the smile of the doctor…

Was enough to kindle her spirit, and the hope fairy did wave..

Her magic wand once and for all, the fear took flight never to alight ever again…

And the little girl held out her hand, for the drizzle to drench her fate..

So that she could hide her tears in the torrents of downpour…

For tonight is the only night she shall cry over the past…